The Stress of Wedding Planning Has Me Second-Guessing My Relationship

The art of Listening

Before becoming a videographer, I was a life coach specialising in helping couples learn loving communication. I focused on improving relationships through effective communication and the art of listening, so couples could experience a deeper level of connection and understanding. Through my work as a coach, I encountered a few couples who struggled with the stress of planning a wedding. They what unable to afford a wedding planner and took on the responsibility themselves. Some couples felt that "wedding planning makes me not want to get married" Some even found the process so overwhelming that it made them question whether they wanted to get married at all.

Open communication

One of the key things I emphasised was the importance of communication. Couples must be able to talk openly and honestly about their hopes, fears, and expectations for the wedding. This includes being willing to compromise and sacrifice to ensure both partners feel heard and valued. Another strategy I recommended was to take breaks and prioritize self-care. Planning a wedding can be incredibly time-consuming and exhausting, so building time for relaxation, exercise, and other activities that bring joy and fulfilment is important.

I encouraged couples to remember the bigger picture. A wedding is just one day in a lifetime of shared experiences. While it's natural to want everything to be perfect, it's also important to keep things in perspective and focus on the love and commitment that brought the couple together in the first place.

Overall, my experience as a life coach taught me that effective communication, self-care, and perspective are essential tools for managing the stress of wedding planning and building a strong and fulfilling relationship. As you start your dream wedding together, think about communicating effectively during this exciting time. Here are some tips to help you communicate inclusively and create a positive environment:

Listen actively to all the details:

Active listening is a crucial skill in any communication, and it's when organising a wedding with your partner. When you actively listen, you're fully engaged in the conversation, giving your partner your undivided attention and showing that you value their thoughts and opinions.

To practice active listening, focus on your partner's words without interrupting or thinking about your response. When your partner finishes speaking, summarise what they said to ensure you understand it correctly. Ask follow-up questions to clarify their perspective or learn more about their ideas. And finally, respond in a respectful and considerate way, using "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings without blaming or attacking your partner.

Use inclusive language:

Inclusive language shows you value and respect different cultures, religions, genders, and abilities. By using inclusive terms, you can create a more welcoming and accepting environment for all involved in the process. One way to do this is to avoid gendered language whenever possible.

Instead of referring to "bride and groom" or "Mr. and Mrs.," consider using more neutral terms like "partners" or "spouses." If you're organising a wedding ceremony involving different religious or cultural traditions, use language that respects those traditions.

Create a safe space:

Most brides getting married don't want to be constantly bombarded with questions about their big day. Make sure as a couple, you delegate responsibilities. Creating a safe space for communication is essential for successful wedding planning. This means creating an environment where you and your partner feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and ideas without fear of judgment or criticism. To create a safe space, start by establishing ground rules for communication.

These could include avoiding personal attacks, respecting each other's opinions, and taking turns speaking and listening. You could also set aside a specific time and place for your discussions so that you both know when it's appropriate to talk about the actual wedding and planning and when it's time to focus on other things.

If you have disagreements about the bridal party or family members, be mindful of your body language and tone of voice during discussions. Try to maintain an open and non-judgmental posture, and avoid using a harsh or dismissive tone. By creating a safe and respectful space for communication, you'll be able to work together more effectively and prevent unnecessary conflict.

Recognise cultural differences:

Create coping strategies for different challenges. If you and your partner come from different cultural backgrounds, recognise and respect those differences. This means learning about each other's customs, traditions, and beliefs and being open-minded and non-judgmental when encountering cultural differences.

To do this, start by having an open and honest conversation with friends about your cultural background and how you want to incorporate those traditions into your wedding. This could involve incorporating cultural foods or music into the reception or cultural traditions in the ceremony.

Be mindful of potential cultural sensitivities during the planning process. For example, suppose one partner comes from a culture where weddings are traditionally large and extravagant. In contrast, the other partner comes from a culture where weddings are more intimate and low-key. In that case, find a compromise that works for both of you. By being respectful and open-minded about each other's cultures, you can create a wedding that celebrates your unique backgrounds and brings you closer together as a couple.

Address power dynamics:

If one partner has more influence in the process, address those power dynamics and ensure both partners feel equally involved and valued. This can be incredibly challenging if one partner has more experience with wedding planning, ideas about marriage, or has stronger opinions about certain aspects of the wedding.

To address power dynamics, start by having an open and honest conversation about how each partner wants to be involved in the wedding party planning process. This could include dividing up specific tasks or areas of responsibility or setting aside specific times to make joint decisions.

Loving Communication

Wedding planners can be outside many people's budgets. If you don't spend money on a wedding planner to handle the organising, be mindful of any implicit biases or assumptions that might influence your communication's power dynamics. For example, suppose one partner is more assertive and confident in their opinions while the other is more hesitant and deferential. In that case, ensure that the less assertive partner's views are heard and considered.

Finally, be aware of your mental health, keep your stress level down, and remember that it is a collaborative family effort. Both partners should feel empowered to contribute their wedding plans and feel supported and valued throughout the wedding planning process. If it is more than overwhelming and you feel pre-wedding depression, although it is not like in the fairytales, make sure you seek a mental health professional.

Working towards your wedding day

All being well, you will sidestep negative feelings and work together lovingly. From wedding invitations to venue organisation, be your own wedding planner. Do this by making communication key to your successful planning, and by following these five tips; you can create a more inclusive, respectful, process for your wedding. Remember to listen actively, use inclusive language, create a safe space for communication, recognise cultural differences, and address power dynamics. By working together and communicating openly and honestly, you can create a wedding that celebrates your love, brings you closer together as a couple, and is a great communication foundation for married life.